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Interview Moeder Mark Rutte

Wij waren een hervorm gezin maar wat ik die bewuste ochtend aantrof in zijn bed mag gerust misvormd heten. Een moedig maar bang hoopje verloren witte strijders.

Het gaat goed met de Nederlandse journalistiek. Meer diepgang over kanshebbers voor de positie als Minister-President kun je natuurlijk alleen verkrijgen door in het verleden te graven en vooral op zoek te gaan naar de familie.
Zo verscheen al eerder terecht in de media dat de nieuwe Jezus, Jesse Klaver, zijn verleden bij elkaar verzon, om als plagiaat Obama Nederland te verlossen (van de Nederlanders). Onterecht kwam ook de broer van Wilders weer in de media om weer boos te toen over zijn kleine blonde dood. Broer Paul schaamt zich voor de kleine grote Greet en dat doet heel deugend Nederland ook.
De gevangene van de democratie draagt natuurlijk bij aan de verloedering van de toon en presenteert trots onderstaand exclusief interview met niemand #minder #minder #minder dan de moeder van Mark Rutte. Ik heb chocolade meegenomen voor de nog zeer kwieke moeder van Mark.

[GVDD] Kunt u ons iets vertellen over de jeugd van uw Mark?
Jazeker kan ik dat. Mark was als kleine jongen erg druk. Hij was de jongste uit een gezin van zeven, dus u begrijpt wat een enorme geldingsdrang hij had als kleine jongen. Best lastig om als kleinste natuurlijk je zin te krijgen.
[GVDD] Hoe deed hij dit dan?
Nou hij was al op zeer jonge leeftijd zeer bedreven in manipuleren van situaties en gezinsleden waardoor hij toch telkens weer de dans ontsprong of als winnaar uit de strijd kwam.
[GVDD] U zegt dat het liegen al begon op jonge leeftijd?
Het was niet eens het liegen wat hem typeerde. Maar vooral het volhouden van de leugen, soms jaren. Ik weet nog…Mark was een jaar of 5. Hij was jaloers op zijn zus, want die had een nieuwe pop gekregen. De volgende dag vonden we de pop terug in het bedje van Mark. Hij had de pop echter helemaal veranderd. Het jurkje was nu een leren broek. De pop had een cowboy hoofddeksel op en een zonnebril. Waar de spleetpiemel zat stak nu een klein potlood eruit. “Dit is niet haar pop” zei Mark. “Dit is Onno, de stoere Cowboy.”
“Mark je hebt de pop van je zus gestolen!” zei ik boos. Nee moeder, ik heb deze pop gevonden. Iedereen wist dat Mark loog. Iedereen zei het tegen hem. Hij kon moeilijk midden in de nacht als 5 jarige een pop gevonden hebben die precies leek op die van zijn zus, maar dan vernicht..
Ook op latere leeftijd hield hij onmogelijke leugens vol. Als jonge puber sloeg Mark regelmatig de hand aan zichzelf, waar wij moeders natuurlijk de volgende dag de viezigheid tegenkomen. Wij waren een hervorm gezin maar wat ik die bewuste ochtend aantrof in zijn bed mag gerust misvormd heten. Een moedig maar bang hoopje verloren witte strijders. Toen ik Mark later hiermee confronteerde tijdens het avondeten, ontkende hij in alle toonaarden. Uiteindelijk kwam hij met: “Het had gesneeuwd in zijn kamer”. Ondanks het gelach aan tafel hield hij dit jaren vol. “Het kwark van Mark verhaal” noemen we dit in de familie.

[GVDD] Hoe waren de relaties van Mark met vrouwen?
Ik heb als moeder hem altijd meer beschermd dan mijn andere kinderen. Hij is de jongste weet u. Ik denk dat het puberen vrij jong begon bij Mark. Op zijn 9e wilde hij ineens geen borstvoeding meer. Hij zette zich af van mij, en nog meer van de vrouw. Met andere jonge jongens begon hij een bende. Hoe heetten ze ook al weer. Owja de Ploeg Vaginaal Verzet, de PVV. “Mark in het Park” werd hij toen genoemd. Later toen hij wat ouder was werd dit “Dark Mark” al begreep ik nooit waarom. Mark heeft nooit van negers gehouden.

mark in het park3

[GVDD] Maar wel van mannen?
Nou ik heb wel het idee dat Mark hiermee worstelt. Hij heeft nooit een meisje meegenomen naar huis. Hij had ook posters van halfnaakte mannen aan de muur. Van die bekende worstelaars weet u. Hulk Hogan en The Undertaker. Hij was vooral gek op Randy Savage. Wist u dat hij overleden was? Hij was er kapot van toen Randy overleed in 2011. Een auto ongeluk zeggen ze maar dat is denk ik #fakenews. Er wordt gefluisterd dat hij vermoord is. Ik denk niet dat hij zo’n flikker is als Tofik Dibi hoor maar hij worstelt er zeker mee. Dat geeft ook niets. We zijn trots op Mark.

[GVDD] Hoe kijkt u tegen de aankomende verkiezingen aan?
Ik denk dat Mark het moeilijk gaat krijgen. Kijk, zelfs binnen zijn eigen partij is er weinig steun. Natuurlijk is hij wel de baas, maar dit is niet vanwege de warmte en liefde. Hij heeft door jarenlange machtsspelletjes een hoop vijanden gemaakt. Rita is nog steeds boos hoorde ik laatst.
Hij is geen natuurlijke leider. hij weet door zijn slimmigheden anderen uit te schakelen. Kijk naar die ploert, Geert Wilders. Hij kraamt allerlei nazi zooi uit maar mensen houden van hem. Tuig van Laban is het, die PVV.
De mensen houden niet van Mark. Hij zoekt nog steeds erkenning. Mijn kleine jongen, die Hulk Hogan wilde zijn. He-Man. De leider van het volk. Ik denk dat het goed voor hem zou zijn uit de politiek te stappen en te werken aan zijn werkelijke issues.
Een minderwaardigheidscomplex kun je natuurlijk niet oplossen door een cowboy of een worstelaar te spelen. Dit los je op door jezelf te accepteren in plaats van te acteren.

[GVDD] U klinkt wat hard?
Ach, ik zeg wat ik denk, en doe wat ik zeg weet u. Ik zal niet zeggen dat Nederland vol is van Mark, maar wel behoorlijk druk. In mijn ogen zelfs een beetje te druk. Dat is niet goed voor hem. Ik maak mij zorgen.
Een leider van formaat is vader en moeder ineen. Mark is alleen moeder.
Mijn Mark en ben er voor hem. Altijd.

[GVDD] Ik wil u hartelijk bedanken. Niet voor Mark maar wel voor uw tijd.
U ook bedankt, niet voor uw interview maar wel voor de chocolade.

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